Heart of a Random Lover

It will never fade, when it was never there. 

There will be none. For a crushed heart will always mind.

Little hopes to never hear. Only damn believer will tear. 

It will never fade, when it was never there…

When you’re mind works like a 24-hour food chain, you always think of everything and not just anything. Since I was, there’s always a maybe to anything I wished for to be there, to happen. It’s not actually a wished but something I wanted to wait for. A person who will never demand, a person who will never make me feel that I’m worst of the worst I am to him. A person who will dig in to the deepest reasons of my insensitivity, carelessness and silence. But maybe there will never be him, he will never come. A martyr for an executed soldier like me. Someone who will not cry out the me who seemed to be a masochist of  a fragile heart. Maybe he will not come, he will never come. The soul who will tell me that with every emptiness I made him be, he will always be filled because that’s not even a pinch of the love he has because a soul loves more than he loves his temple.

Maybe I’m too idealistic in a place for realist.

It will never fade, when it was never there. Expectations were never there. I didn’t set one. I don’t want to because I’m not a masochist, not executed and not idealistic. This will never fade because I did not build any of this in the castle of our kingdom.

There will be none. For a crushed heart will always mind. 

Pain was inevitable. How much I wanted to erase the marked stabs. It has became carved that I can never re-carved again. There will never be, a person who’s willing enough not to mention the pain, not to bother guilt the other and someone who’s willing to hurt by himself.

There will be none… because I never wanted that.

For a crushed heart will always mind. Why, because it was alive. Something so fragile but who keeps to be as hard as a stone when it has to be.

Little hopes to never hear. Only damn believers will tear.

We were taught that listening is the best key to understanding. Fear, the one to blame. Fear of knowing the truth that with how much forgiveness you asked, your mistakes will never be forgotten. Fear of lost, that  it will always hunt you until it was gone. Fear that it will never be the same. Then I say to you, only damn believers will tear.

Maybe it’s love. Fear just like love is inevitable. They are cross-matched. It will always be there no matter what you do to keep yourself from it. Sometimes fear pushes you backwards but it actually whispers to you to take more steps forward. It’s not always ‘Never Fear’ but ‘Do fear and do fear.’

It’s just fear and you’re yet to do what you must.


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