Now that I’m 22,

Being 22 is a lot different from being 21 before. From the acceptance I had last time to the accepting I am now.

I’m excited I’m 22 years old now and for sure I will read a lot of blogs and sharing for women on what they have done being 22. I am also even more confident because I can feel a little bit more in control to my life than I have before. The last thing I have ever thought about was seeing what is clear to me. It’s like the hand I use in holding my glass wont tremble as much as it used to be. Di’ba nga sabi nila age does not measure maturity, but I guess age makes you really mature for those who have yet to take their real wants and goals in my life. And yes being clear to yourself is a maturity. There is an increase in guts and increase for risk taking kasi you’re a little old enough but also quite very young also.

Actually what comes into my mind was, “ano bang desisyon mo?” And that is the question with a lot of responsibilities, guilt, longing for your dream but at times doubt. Why doubt, kasi I’m going to leave behind something I think I should do instead. And why does the question seemed negatively equivalents the freedom it has? Maybe because I am not ready yet.

Having the choice to decide for myself is one way I can lift my step higher to reach a longer path, the path I so wanted and wished for. And to live in the world na sila muna, sige it’s okay. And then I plan, I set and there that decision would return. Or I had it already the moment I’ve set things because it is going to happen. The sila I’m talking about was my family and my dreams in life means to be away from them because it is not always that the magnet attracts each other. But that’s a different story and I want to say to those who have reached what they want by 22, I’m on my way there. And to those like me, yes we have a long way to go but nearly there.


The Power of Prayer

I am graduate (shemay graduate na pala ako!) of Bachelor of Science in Nursing in De La Salle Health Sciences Institute . Along with my batchmates and the other students, the NLE has come and with only 5 days left to prepare.

Honestly I’m at my anxious stage. I feel like I haven’t really studied a lot and I think my difficulty parin talaga ako in terms sa base knowledge ko kasi nakakalimutan ko talaga. Pero feeling ko din kinain na ng sistema ang utak ko Lol. Hahaha.

Ano nga ba ang lalabas sa board exam? Yung nirereview ba namin, mahirap ba talaga pero bakit basic knowledge lang daw. Di’ba nakakalito. I also want to know yung mga feelings ng mga kapwa ko board exam taker. Kaway-kaway kasi baka magka-school pala tayo sa mga designated dates. Hindi na ako magsheshare ng madaming tips  kasi alam kong may kanya-kanya na tayong strategies pero just in case meron ba na katulad ko na parang sabog. Yung tipong hindi mo na alam kung babasahin mo ba lahat uli in just mere 5 days jusko. Parang gusto ko ng sumuko. Plus nahihirapan pa ako magfocus minsan so lalong patong-patong plus crammer pa ako (Goodluck to me). But But But to those na baka in the midst of losing their will to strive harder this remaining days I hope makatulong ako.

One of the things na nakakatuwa sa School, sa review center (R.A. GAPUZ) at classmates ko ay malakas talaga ang kapit kay Lord. What I mean is that, eventually if you’re not the “little bit of religious” type ng tao, mas makikita mo yung beauty ng prayer. Through prayers makaka-usap mo si God or marerelease mo lahat ng mga “Lord gusto ko po mag-TOP sa boards tulungan niyo po ako” and “Lord I need motivation, please give me more”. And alam mo yun, eventually darating ka rin sa point na like me, My prayer was my motivation now. Isinulat ko siya sa papel and everytime mawawala ako sa focus aalahanin ko lang siya.

In that prayer nakasulat kung ano lang ba talaga ang primary pangarap ko. Yung pangarap na nagpalipad ng puso ko.  Yung pangarap na nakikita ko yung sarili ko na nakangiti kahit hirap na hirap na ko. Yung PANGARAP NA HUGOT, malalim at alam mong nakakapag-pangiti ka ng iba. Di’ba gumaganon.  Yung pangarap na hindi mo pa nagagawa o nakakamtam pero feel na feel mo na so mapapa-work work work  work work ♫ ka talaga.  Yung tipong lahat ng bad vibes, kamalasan sa buhay mo, nakakapabadtrip, nakakapag-padown ng system mo lahat ng pwedeng mag-shake sayo will slowly or automatically shut down kasi you have the eye for the price. Kaloka kaya, the process habang nagrereview, alam mong nagsa-struggle ka kasi mabigat yung problema sa sarili mo kasi tamad na tamad ka na and sa iba, hindi pa nga tapos yung isa may isa pa. Sobrang salamat kay Lord kasi lumipas na siya at ngayon ang naiisip ko nalang at ang tangi ko nalang iisipin ay how to make the most out of everything I have.

Prayer and God + Preparation +  + Confidence ang the best formula, but ganito yung akin Prayer And God + Preparation (struggle > time) + Optimism (kayabangan > confidence). I find it funny too but I work the best with that formula. I know meron din kayo and lalung-lalo na sa mga katulad ko talaga na alam niyo naman na hindi madasalin pero deep inside alam mong nagdadasal ka and yung prayer sayo is something na ginagawa mo and hindi mo lang siya sinasabi. Find the best prayer that will work on you to not to or not just to make you Board Top Notchers or with the  100% passing rate but to inspire you to be more of a great Registered Nurse. Kasi sobrang Broad ng nursing, with the knowledge we have makakatulong ka na sa simpleng nasugatan and may sakit, lolo and lola mo and kinaiinisan mo. Pray to God na lahat ng inaaral mo ma-aaply mo, ma-eexplain mo ng maayos at makakapag-care ka kasi feeling ko dahil feelingera ako, yun yung basic knowledge na ibig sabihin this coming board exam. So Aja sa lahat ng magbo-board exam. Kapag nag-eenjoy ka naman wala namang mahirap lang kasi marami naman tayong basta masaya walang pake-alam kung too late, too many and too difficult. ☺

Sorry if hindi consistent yung thoughts, medyo sabog na writer ako hahaha. Love you all.

Confused Little Fairy

And we started the day fine
It came out not well.

I showed my feelings and you got mad.
No, you are hurt.

I may not be showing so much of myself to you.

It’s very confusing.

When will I consider your thoughts when you’re doing things to me?
And when will my feelings be heard when I do things to you?
When , How and What…
I thought I had a strong sense of Emotional Quotient. Well I think I hadn’t. 

I’m easily affected with my emotions.

Fuck this isn’t so good.
I can manage but I try not to, I think I cannot.

You still came,

Pushing your pride away.

I was selfish, no. I was being myself.

I was creating a message,

you were reading a different one.

I come to you like a clear water,

clearer and still like a water in a glass.

But you are on your own, like a running water.

Maybe you have realized, … nothing.

I don’t want to assume,

Not as the same as you did to me.

It can kill a lot of time,

so as feelings.

Maybe you took the trail I took before.

Isn’t it exhausting.

I feel sorry with what I did but not with the rest.

I know we are like magnets fusing,

but I still have my side. It will remain.

It does not mean that I still have that side, that I will be and stay there as if…

you were never of use cause you can’t attract me no more.

Honey don’t be…

Please don’t.

You never asked, as usual.

When will you?

We are very different.

I came to you, I will come to you.

Because I always try to ask because I don’t have any idea of your world.

So don’t push me away.

You think as if you know how my world revolves.

The way you act, maybe you were slowly trying to love yourself.

I was trying to love both.

Will the magic work again?

Just like it did before? as it always did.

The Way Back

February 16, 2015

My love you were so shy

If only you knew how I wanted to cry.

Just by hearing you say not only unending goodbyes

But now, my all-day and all-night lullabies. 

It was the first time I’ve received an I love you from you. Like and love goes the same for me as you knew. I like you but I probably love you or I love you but maybe I just like you, so much. We both knew that everything have come so fast and we can’t stop. But I bear in mind that I will love you without asking for something in return. I will make you happy and I will make feel loved. I’ll stay to be me, grow to be the better version of myself as change will always be there. For you to realize that the moment I have been with you will always remain to be something I will always be thankful for.

♥ mylove

Sorry for being selfish sometimes. Sorry for making you worry and making you feel less needed. Sorry for hurting you when I don’t intended to. But always remember that,

October 16 

The magic that have brought me to you, will always bring me back to you. 

To the downfalls that gives  a glimpse of ideas of ending this, I’ll sure go and look beyond. My body and mind will and my heart should without commands.

For I was the kind of lover, who will just give the best of me to the all kinds of you: the best and much more when you’re at your worst. 

The Way Back. The way I wanted to love you.

Happy 8th. 🙂 Though we never celebrated that kind of stuff. I’m very happy that I have stayed with you and you know what, I’m just loving you much more than yesterday.

I Love You!

Things I’ve Learned

God is our teacher and life is our test paper.

We are the students and what we do are our answers. The only difference is that there are no A’s and F’s because what matters most is how we answered it and if we finished it.

Things I’ve Learned

♥ Dating myself is a must have.

♥ Love is not about what I am but how I love my partner.

♥ It’s better be late than never same as being ahead than later. But to us crammers, it’s being on time. EXACTLY ON TIME.

♥ It won’t hurt to be a little bit more honest than usual to my partner

♥ Never give UP!

♥ I will always appreciate myself because it is one of my very foundation

♥ Explore and explore but …

♥ Mistakes, Pain and Sufferings are blessings. Sometimes people don’t have much of it when they want more of it.

♥ “Miracles aren’t always as we seem to think of… It’s just there. Those that always been with us. Whom we always notice but never notice.” And he said, “Notice it before it’s too late.” – Paper Towns (FAVORITE ♥).

♥ Love yourself

♥ Be futuristic, be a risk taker and be yourself. After all, it’s about me..

I guess there’s more…

[PART 1]

What Keeps Me Going

I am just like a bomb waiting to be lighten up whenever there’s that ultimate series of stresses coming from every part of my holistic being. I was shaking and emotional but my tears won’t just fall like that. I ended up sighing and just wooo, go with the flow. But stress never leaves and sticks like a glue unless you find a way to remove it.

And I guess, we have that someone or something that pushes us the pulls of hesitations, fatigue and doubts. Those that keeps us going. It feels like the hardest day ever but with just one move or thing, everything can change. The stresses won’t leave but I’ll be able to find a better way to handle them. It is just so good that what keeps you moving, sets you to be a better person.

Have you thanked that person personally? If yes then good and if not then why not now. ☺

For that person whom I always address my blogs and the likes, I thank you for the inspirations. You got me by all means and I got you for all of that is meant to me. I love you and you are that what keeps me going after God.


The Things I Love about You

Guide my Heart and …

This one is especially for you.

This is not too direct but and these are the thoughts I find hard to say and too hard to think about.

I really love your smell. It is exactly the same thing you told me but honestly I find your scent really soothing. It’s making me comfy. I really love your serious eyes, it makes me weak and that is the only time I ever wanted to be weak. I really feel secured when you putt your hands on my waist. It makes me feel like you don’t want to lose me.

I never loved our fights and misunderstandings but they are the best things I should be thankful for because I’m being more honest. If only I can be your magic who can easily turn sadness into happiness, but no. I’m the reciprocal of all the things I wanted to be to you. Do you remember the words from the movie we have watched, “what wrong about silence that makes people uneasy.” Yes, I do love silence and I’m like that most of the time. While hugging you tight, I can stay quiet for hours but actually my mind never stopped talking Sometimes, I just hug you and imagine that scenario. How sweet, simple and heart throbbing it is to me. How I feel so at home in your arms and shoulders, and how I feel you more.

You taught me how important the word I Love You means that when you said that there was a time you never felt it or you just don’t want to listen to it, I’ve become a bit cautious. It’s not something so bad but I think something has changed and it wasn’t like how it used to be. It’s not about getting back to what you’ve said but I’m doing it to preserve and nurture those words. It will always be the last thing I’ll say to you and not as much as I say it before.

I’m really not into milky or saucy foods but you’re carbonara is definitely an exception. It taste so good and even if I tell you how appetizing it is you will never believe but I guess you did when I told you, “You’re  carbonara is definitely the tastiest I have ever had.”

But these things I’ve written are the ones that I’ve loved during the process but the very first thing I loved about you is how considerate you are for others. It is something I don’t usually do and it is something not everybody will do. You seldom say to yourself that you are a good person but neither of your words nor my presence/attitude will define your kindness. It is what you do and what you make the people whom you care the most feel. You may not be the goodest-good but you are. You are also a bad person and so do I. It was another sad thing that I’m unconsciously giving you a bad impression from others. I wouldn’t say that to you but thank you for saying it anyway. I don’t want to know that burden only when it’s too late.

You know what, loving you is like the massive change ever. You’re the biggest wave that ever hit my walls. You make me cross the thinnest line with no bars and handles to hold on. It’s either I fall, I continue to walk or I did fall but I’ve managed to hold on the line. My heart wanted to tell something by the way… I love you and every happiness, sadness, pain, struggle, burden and inconsistency there is I know that you will always be there for me. I may not be like you but I guess my heart beats as much as you do. You are now one of the biggest stimulants that triggers my emotion, physique, etc. Take good care of me, understand me, don’t be afraid to be afraid. If you cannot hold a heart like mine who’s different from yours, she will be the happiest ever when you find the one that will fit yours. But it’ll be great if it’s me but my heart learned something. It was actually dependent on you but by the time you first broke my heart, It learned how to be independent again. She became better and stronger. She will slowly show you the best and the worst side of her you have never seen. Let’s see how you will hold hers. And how much difference there is between you, her mind and heart always just felt so happy and optimistic that these are the cutest thing both of you have.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I write my story and I’m yet to reach the end but this chapter is one of the best, the bests that I love.

Who I am and Why I’m here

Have you ever had that feeling in which you’ve got so much in your head and it feel so right to ask anyone in the world if they think of the same thing?

I’ve always been like this. I am weird, definitely but that adjective creates much more meaning to myself. And I feel like sharing some of it would be fun since I can contribute to variety to the world of web. I write everything I want most especially what happened to my day. This unorganized mind will write about love then right after about bitterness. Then about happiness then sadness, experiences to imaginations … it’s endless. I don’t mind, well first and foremost, I’ve started creating this blog for the people to see what I think, my point of view, guts and desires and not merely to impress them with my ‘awesome’-ness. You know, I want to be awesome in my own way.

I want everybody to see what I right and if a lucky one thinks the way I do then that’s what I call ‘awesome’-ness. Hey, I guess I have a 10% probability that I will get and I will make my reader feel like, “Oh, that’s what I’m talking about girl.”

This question deserves a good answer, “If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?”

Well besides the hidden agenda of reaching a thousand of readers, I hope that far more than being confident I have turned into a somewhat full time blogger (at least one post a day). And I make sure that every time I post, I will never doubt what I write like “Hey, would this be fine.” Bless myself, all I have to do is to enjoy and be like me, like everyday and anywhere. Oh and another thing, I hope that my readers will learn something from what I write. Words are messengers of manna, happiness, lessons, love, pain and everything.